When love breaks you down…

love

Yes … I was in love. I’m no ordinary person, and I have my own circumstances. The decision to be with somebody is not as simple for me as it is for other people. I loved her, and I tried to stop myself but to no avail. It seemed so real, so true that I close my eyes at night thinking about her, and open my eyes in the morning smiling at her face looming in the horizon from my window.

I know she loved me back, I could see it. She waited for me to take actions, she tried so hard to push me, but I was standing still, paralyzed as if my feet are made of stone. What do I say? how do I tell her that which can make it or break it. I didn’t speak and I stood watching my heart break and tears held refusing to come out. It was long and painful, and the pain I still have is like nothing I ever experienced in my life. But I couldn’t move … I did not recognize that I should have opened up or that I should have said it out loud. If she rejects it, it would have been better than how it all ended.

She gave up, she thought I was not interested. I pushed her away and she tried to stay close but I kept on pushing. She found someone who would take action and it is all over.

I looked at myself in the mirror, shaky as I was and my feet barely carrying me. Never again will I stand still. Never again will I be intimidated by my own circumstances. Nothing will stop me again from following my heart, no matter what the consequences might be. I was wrong, but it is too late. I learned from my life to look forward and to never look backwards. I will look forward and I know I will find my solace. Never again! NEVER damn it!

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2 responses to “When love breaks you down…

  1. Powerful piece Mohamed, I felt the tears hit the back of my eyes, I feel you, really I do.

    Peace.

  2. mohamedhassan

    Thanks Daniel. It has been a difficult year for me. Back in the days, I was master of my own self. I have become so vulnerable. Is it age? or just the natural order of things?

    As much as I hate politicians, Churchill once said “If you are going through hell … just keep going!” tough times do not last, but tough people do.

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