Yes … I was in love. I’m no ordinary person, and I have my own circumstances. The decision to be with somebody is not as simple for me as it is for other people. I loved her, and I tried to stop myself but to no avail. It seemed so real, so true that I close my eyes at night thinking about her, and open my eyes in the morning smiling at her face looming in the horizon from my window.
I know she loved me back, I could see it. She waited for me to take actions, she tried so hard to push me, but I was standing still, paralyzed as if my feet are made of stone. What do I say? how do I tell her that which can make it or break it. I didn’t speak and I stood watching my heart break and tears held refusing to come out. It was long and painful, and the pain I still have is like nothing I ever experienced in my life. But I couldn’t move … I did not recognize that I should have opened up or that I should have said it out loud. If she rejects it, it would have been better than how it all ended.
She gave up, she thought I was not interested. I pushed her away and she tried to stay close but I kept on pushing. She found someone who would take action and it is all over.
I looked at myself in the mirror, shaky as I was and my feet barely carrying me. Never again will I stand still. Never again will I be intimidated by my own circumstances. Nothing will stop me again from following my heart, no matter what the consequences might be. I was wrong, but it is too late. I learned from my life to look forward and to never look backwards. I will look forward and I know I will find my solace. Never again! NEVER damn it!